The 7 signs of aging

Mrs Colonel T.P. Brown (Retired) recently informed me that one of her facial cream products promises to eliminate the 7 signs of aging. When closely examined under rigorous military questioning over a period of days Mrs Colonel T.P.B. finally admitted to not knowing what these signs of aging could be. After some thought and consultation I believe I have identified the aforementioned signs which I have detailed below

1. Right Wing Attitudes
2. Pensions
3. Three month holidays in Malta
4. Fusty Smells
5. Incontinence
6. Grandchildren
7. Death

Needless to say Mrs Colonel T.P.B. has been put under military arrest until she stops the use of the said facial cream product. I refuse to have Mrs T.P.B's endearing right wing attitudes removed and one can become quite attached to her fusty smell.

Standards, Standards, Standards

I am distressed to report that since my retirement from active service I have witnessed the slow but inexorable decline in the nations standards and morality. Youths with hoods, representatives of left wing charities and rampant socialists roam the streets in increasing numbers. My wife (Mrs Colonel T.P. Brown) and myself feel it is our Christian duty to report on such matters. Onwards to glory.